Take a bite out of hitting and biting
Getting a call from your daycare that your child has bitten or hit a classmate is worrisome for parents. While these are fairly common behaviors, caregivers should understand why children do this and how to react when it happens. Crista Wetherington, Ph.D., a psychologist at Children’s, offers guidance.
Babies and young children may bite or hit when they are:
Exploring. As babies begin teething, they learn about their environment by putting things in their mouth. Mouthing objects at this stage is a normal part of development.
Testing limits. Just before their second birthday, children begin to test boundaries. During and after this age, they may bite or hit to see how others react.
Feeling frustrated. If their language is not developed enough to express what they want by talking, young children may resort to biting or hitting.
Feeling vulnerable. When kids feel vulnerable or scared, they may bite or hit.
Establishing control. Some children try these behaviors to establish power.
Not feeling well. If an otherwise easygoing bites or hits, it is important to consider whether he or she is tired or sick, as children’s behaviors can be impacted by fatigue and their physical health.
How to react:
Pay minimal attention to the child who bit or hit. For young kids, only speak briefly to the child who bit or hit, and take him or her to a time-out area. Focus on the child who was bitten or hit.
Teach. After the time-out, talk to preschoolers and older children about their behavior, and remind them to use language when they want things. Give toddlers brief reminders about using their words or gestures when they want something, but avoid an in-depth conversation.
Don’t bite or hit to prove that such behaviors are wrong. Kids learn what they see, and doing so will only undermine your rules. Explain and model alternative strategies for dealing with frustration.
Gather your thoughts and stay calm: It’s OK to be frustrated because you have to leave work to pick up your child. But pull yourself together so that when you see your child, you can address the issue calmly.
Call the pediatrician if:
- Your child is injuring him- or herself.
- You have an older preschooler who bites or hits without showing remorse.
- You have concerns about your child’s language development.
- The behavior affects family or school life, and caregivers are out of strategies.
Understand why your kids are biting or hitting and know how to react when it happens.
