How to advocate for your child’s mental health needs at school

Parents are their child's biggest advocates. But many parents may not know where to begin when advocating for their child's mental health and getting them the support they need to feel comfortable and successful at school.

"Advocating for your child's mental health might mean working with their school to provide the support they need after a clinical diagnosis," says Talia Fayson, M.Ed, School Services Psychiatry Program Manager at Children's Health℠. "It could also mean that your kid is having a hard time right now, and we need to figure out how to help them cope with a situation or hardship so they can get back to their everyday self."

Fayson shares signs of mental health challenges in kids and teens, what to do if you're worried about your child's mental health and concrete ways to make sure they are getting the support they need at school.

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Listen to learn tips on how to advocate for your child’s mental health needs at school.

What are signs a child is struggling with mental health?

Not wanting to go to school or feeling unmotivated is normal for most kids from time to time. But Fayson recommends thinking critically about what is typical for your child, and making note of any changes, especially if these behaviors are happening frequently. She recommends keeping an eye out for:

• School avoidance. This could be not wanting to go to school or making excuses as to why they can't go to school. Kids may seem like their typical selves over the summer or during the weekend, but feel panicked or distressed when thinking about or preparing for school.
• Falling grades. All children may struggle with a certain class or not do well on a test. But if your child's grades are constantly falling below average for them — say your A or B student is consistently getting C's and D's — this could mean they're struggling with more than schoolwork.
• Isolation or withdrawal from activities. Your child may not be hanging out with their friends or not want to participate in activities they typically enjoy.
• Low motivation or apathy. Kids and teens may not be taking care of their daily activities, have poor hygiene or seem unmotivated. They may seem apathetic or tell you that they don't care about things that usually mean a lot to them.
• Angry outbursts or being disorganized. Your child or teen does not typically have these issues but all of a sudden has lots of outbursts or has trouble organizing their school work or housework.

"Many children feel angry or struggle with school work sometimes. But if they are constantly changing their behavior or struggling in school this may be a red flag," Fayson says. "It's important to be mindful and pay attention to those subtle changes in your child's behavior and how often you're seeing those changes."

What should parents do if they think their child is struggling with mental health?

If you notice a consistent change in behavior and think your child might be struggling with mental health, a good next step would be to communicate about these behaviors with your child's school. This might mean reaching out to a school counselor or social worker. If parents have a pediatrician or therapist they currently see they can also share their concerns with them. If they do not have either they can let the school counselor or social worker know and the school staff can provide parents with information to get outside support.

"You may even reach out to your child's teachers and ask if they have seen the same behaviors," Fayson says. "Ask for their observations and see if you are on the same page. Remember that you are your child's best advocate, so don't be afraid to speak up and ask questions."

Fayson also recommends being consistent with communication with your child's school and following up over time. She also acknowledges that despite a push for mental health awareness, there is still stigma surrounding mental health issues and some families may be hesitant to reach out.

"Remember that the school cannot support or help your child if they don't know what's going on," Fayson says. "You don't have to tell them everything, but tell them enough to develop a plan to support your child's mental health needs at school."

How can parents collaborate with school counselors or administrators to support their child's mental health?

After reaching out to the school, parents will typically work with the school's counselor to make accommodations for the child. This is typically a 504 plan, an educational accommodation plan that supports students with disabilities and medical conditions.

"It basically just lets the teacher know that this child needs a little extra help or a little extra time to help them succeed at school," Fayson says.

This can also open the door to your child building a relationship with their school counselor and having another trusted staff member on their team.

"The counselor can be your child's first point of support at school, and can check in periodically," Fayson says. "They can also provide additional resources for parents and kids if needed."

What accommodations can schools provide for children with mental health needs?

Schools can provide many accommodations for students with mental health needs, including:

• Space, time and support. Schools may establish a support person or trusted staff member that your child can check in with daily or periodically. Some children benefit from scheduling additional breaks in the school day if they are feeling overwhelmed. Schools may also establish a safe place for your child, monitored by a staff member, to go when they are feeling down or overwhelmed at school.
• Schedule modifications. For example, if your child is having social anxiety or anxiety in large crowds, their school might offer a pass to leave class a few minutes early to avoid big crowds during passing periods.
• Adjusting assignments. This might mean offering extra time for school work and tests; grading for quality, not quantity of work; and breaking large assignments into smaller, more manageable pieces.
• Preferential seating. Some children may benefit from specific seating arrangements such as being near the teacher; being away from windows, hallways or other distractions; or alternative seating like exercise balls or standing desks.

How can parents advocate for accommodations for their child with mental health needs?

The school counselor is typically your first point of contact to advocate for accommodations for your child with mental health needs. Fayson recommends reaching out to them and explaining your child’s circumstances and how you are hoping they might support your child. Parents might say:

• I noticed my child is having trouble focusing or difficulties with peers in class, and would like to get a plan in place to help them be successful.
• I have talked to my child's doctor or therapist and we have a new diagnosis. I would like to get accommodations in place to help them succeed.
• My child's current diagnosis is really affecting them and I would like to talk about adjusting their current accommodations so they can have a better experience at school.

How can parents start to build a stronger relationship with the school to address concerns about their child's mental health?

Talia says the most important thing to do is communicate openly and honestly with your child's school. Think of them as a partner in helping your child succeed.

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. These conversations can be stressful and emotional. But try your best to be positive and just remind the school that you're reaching out because you want what's best for your child and want the school to help in that process," Fayson says.

How can parents support their kids and build coping skills when they're having a hard time at school?

Fayson recommends several things parents can do to help their child build resilience:

• Be empathetic. Show your children that you understand their feelings and you're there to support them and help them work through it.
• Provide a safe space for communication. Practice active listening (do not listen just to respond), show compassion, don't pass judgement, share your own experiences and set a side time for communication with undivided attention.
• Involve your child in the decision-making process. If your child is old enough, work with them to build their accommodation plan. This gives them a say in their mental health and helps build a plan that works well for them.
• Provide positive feedback and encouragement. You might say "I know it's hard for you to get to school today, but I'm so proud you worked your way through and you were able to cope through your anxiety and your fears."
• Help your child know that they are not alone. Remind them that you and their teachers and staff are here to support them and do everything they can to help them succeed.

For more advice on how to support your child, check out these seven back-to-school mental health tips.

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