Coping with stress as a parent and how it affects kids

Raising children has never been easy, but today's parents and guardians of kids under the age of 18 are experiencing more stress now than ever before. According to a report released by the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., parent stress is a public health concern as it can directly affect the health and well-being of children.

Juliana Alba-Suarez, Ph.D., Pediatric Psychologist at Children's Health℠, shares insights on how parental stress levels can influence a child's behavior and gives tips to reduce stress and prioritize mental health.

Why are parents more stressed now than ever before?

Financial worries and balancing work and family obligations are common stressors for parents and guardians. But today's parents are also dealing with a youth mental health crisis, social media and the after effects of the COVID-19 pandemic.

"In the age of social media, many parents are constantly self-evaluating and feeling like they're not doing enough," Dr. Alba-Suarez says. "But social media usually doesn't tell the full story."

Other stressors for parents and guardians of children under the age of 18 include:

• Worries about their child's health and safety (including bullying and school shootings)
• The effect of technology on their child
• Cultural expectations around their child’s future
• Feeling isolated and lonely as parents

How can parental stress affect children?

When parents experience high levels of stress, it can have a negative effect on a child's:

• Behavior. When parents are stressed, they may be less patient. They may also be harsher with discipline than usual. This can confuse children or make them feel like it's their fault, and lead them to act out or withdraw.
• Mental health and well-being. When a parent is stressed or anxious, kids pickup on that and they worry too. This can impact their schoolwork, behavior, mood, relationships and sleep. Parental stress can also lead to depression. And depression in parents is linked to poor health and well-being in kids.
• Ability to manage stress. Kids learn about emotions and how to cope with stress from their parents. If you want your child to cope well with stress, the best thing you can do is work on how well you manage your own stress.

Stress management tips for parents and caregivers

Dr. Alba-Suarez has a few tips for building coping skills for parents and caregivers. Different activities work for different people. But she recommends the following stress relief strategies that don't require a ton of time:

• Schedule short exercise breaks. For example, put one or two 30-minute blocks of time into your calendar every week. And try taking calls while walking instead of at a desk.
• Try short, guided meditations. Apps like Calm and Headspace offer them for free.
• Create a relaxation playlist. Listen to your playlist on your drive home or while getting ready for bed.
• Practice breathing exercises. This can be as simple as taking five deep breaths once per day during your commute or before bed.

Reduce loneliness and build community

Loneliness and isolation are key sources of parental anxiety and stress. Talking openly about the struggles of parenting and connecting with other parents can help relieve stress and build community. To help create mood-boosting connections with other parents, you might:

• Intentionally plan a get-together. Plan to meet up with a friend or attend a meet-up event with people who may share the same interests as you.
• Call a friend or family member (instead of texting). Do this while you are making dinner or folding laundry. Research shows that connecting via social media often leaves us depleted or more stressed, while phone or in-person connection energizes us.
• Get involved with your child's school. Volunteering to help with a fundraiser or event is a good way to connect with other parents and caregivers.
• Create a babysitting swap or carpool. This can help connect you to other families – and free up time in your day.

Modeling healthy coping skills for your kids

One way to help prevent parental stress from having negative effects on kids is to use healthy coping strategies — and help your kids learn those strategies too. You might:

• Identify and stick to coping strategies that work for you. Then talk to your child about how going for a walk, or calling a friend, or listening to music helps you reset. Encourage your child to explore their own strategies by paying attention to how they feel after they do them.
• Take a break from heated conversations. When you feel yourself losing your patience, tell your child: "I'm going to take a minute and then we'll come back to this conversation." If you do this enough times, your child will learn how to walk away and reset when their emotions get the best of them.

A daily 5-minute stress buster for you and your kids

If you only make one change to help lower the overall stress in your home, Dr. Alba-Suarez recommends this: Give your child a few minutes every day where they lead a play activity and you follow along.

• For younger children: Take 5 minutes a day to do an activity your child enjoys that doesn't require a lot of rules or directions (such as drawing, building blocks or playing with dolls).
• For teens: Take a few minutes to listen to their favorite song, go for a walk or make their favorite meal together.

Research shows that giving your child a small daily dose of child led play (or "special time") can help strengthen your connection and lower stress for the both of you.

"Child-lead play gives children the opportunity to lead a play activity while caregivers follow along. Engaging in child-led play for a few minutes a day can help strengthen positive caregiver-child relationships, build positive self-esteem in children and reduce unwanted behaviors such as tantrums," Dr. Alba-Suarez says.

Find resources and support

At Children's Health, we recognize that there are a variety of stressors that can overwhelm parents and caregivers, especially if their child becomes sick. If you are facing a hardship or challenge, please know that you are not alone. Our teams have curated recommended mental health and community resources to help families, which includes organizations that provide housing, food, financial assistance, transportation and other support services.

Our team of dedicated social workers are also available 24 hours a day, every day of the week, to help families find the resources they need so they can concentrate their energy on their child and their treatment.