Helping your child set goals

Goals can be a great tool to give children a sense of purpose and independence. They can also teach them to persevere and problem solve – and that can make them feel more capable and successful.

But what kind of goals are best for kids? And how do you help a child stick to them?

Sara Loftin, LPC-S, RPT-S, Clinical Therapist at Children's Health℠, gives examples of how to use the SMART goal method to shape goals that help your child focus on what matters most to them.

What is a SMART goal?

The SMART framework is an effective, research-based method for goal setting. SMART goals are:

• S = specific

• M = measurable

• A = achievable

• R = relevant

• T = time-bound

This method ensures that goals are clearly defined, based on your own interests and practical.

"A lot of common goals are too vague or big for people to actually achieve – and so they give up on them. The SMART method helps make goals more achievable," says Loftin.

For a kid who loves soccer, a good SMART goal could be:

• Instead of: I want to be better at soccer (too vague).

• Try: I will practice soccer at home for an extra 15 minutes every weekend during soccer season (SMART).

Making a SMART goal achievable

To make a goal even more achievable, Loftin recommends having your child break a larger goal down into even smaller goals.

In the soccer example, this could mean focusing on one specific skill a month. For example:

• In September, I'll practice juggling (for 15 minutes every weekend during soccer season).

• In October, I'll practice corner kicks (for 15 minutes every weekend during soccer season).

• In November, I'll work on passing (for 15 minutes every weekend during soccer season).

"Having bite-sized goals within a larger goal can help you check-in each month about progress and keep a child's motivation going longer-term," says Loftin.

Making a SMART goal relevant

It can be tempting to steer a child toward a goal that reflects a change you'd like to see in them.

After all, what parent doesn't want a child to do better at school, be nicer to a sibling, or do more chores at home?

But making a goal "relevant" means it's based on something your child sees as important, not something you – or their teachers or their culture – wish were different.

• Instead of: I won't yell at my brother.

• Try: I will do two acts of kindness towards my brother each week.

The second goal above reflects a child's desire to be kind, not the parent's desire to reduce yelling.

Helping a child identify their values

A great way to help a child make their own goal is to help them identify their personal values and what's important to them. To do this, Loftin recommends using a values card sort or values worksheet.

Some sample goals based on values include:

• If your child values making friends, you might guide them towards a goal like:

  • I will join one new club or activity at school this semester.

• If your child values helping others, you can help them identify a neighbor in need and come up with a goal like:

  • I'll walk the neighbor's dog two times this month.

• If your child values being creative, you can help them identify a project with a goal like:

  • I'll make a Happy Birthday video or card to send to my aunt this month.

• If your child values doing things on their own, you might guide them toward a goal like:

  • I'll practice tying my shoes for 5 minutes a day after dinner for two weeks.

• If your child values doing well in school, you might steer them towards a goal like:

  • I'll read aloud for 10 minutes every day for the month of December.

Anticipating barriers

Most goals have potential barriers. Loftin recommends brainstorming what those barriers might be ahead of time and making a plan to overcome them.

In the case of a child who has a weekend soccer goal, you can ask:

• What will you do if it's raining?

• What will you do if you're sick one weekend?

Creating a plan to overcome barriers helps teach your kids problem-solving skills. It also makes it easier for kids to experience the satisfaction of successfully meeting a goal.

Checking in on a SMART goal

Loftin recommends setting a goal for no longer than a month and then checking in about how it's going. After a month, you'll have a sense of how it's going – and can celebrate progress, troubleshoot problems and set a new goal for the next month.

Say your child succeeded in walking the neighbor's dog two times during the month. First, congratulate them and ask: How does it feel to have achieved your goal?

Then, ask if they'd like to try to do it again two times this month, increase how often they do it – or change to another goal that reflects their value of helping others.

If your child didn't meet their goal after about a month, help them assess what happened. Your child may be able to identify what they can improve to meet their goal (e.g., maybe they can schedule the days to walk the dog in advance).

After about three months of focusing on a certain value, you can shift to a new value-based goal – and break that one into smaller monthly goals.

Modeling goal setting and experiencing success

Children learn a lot by observing their parents. One way to encourage goal setting in your child is to model it yourself. Share your own goals and how you plan to achieve them. Whether it's a fitness goal, a professional ambition, or a personal hobby, involving your child in your goal setting process teaches them the value of persistence.

Loftin suggests casually starting conversations over family meals: "You could say something like, 'I'm working on a goal to write in my gratitude journal three times a week. What goals are you thinking about for this month?'"

By creating a culture of goal setting in your home, your child will see that it's normal and may begin makings goals on their own.